Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
