She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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