She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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