the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
