You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
the raccoons are back...
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