Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
