I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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