Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
