I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
