these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
