I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
