sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
