The best revenge is premature balding
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
