the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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