You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I know her cup size but not her name....
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