I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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