i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
