I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
