JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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