Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
