im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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