someone get that fucking seahorse.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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