that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
