You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
