in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
