i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
FUCK WHALES
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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