ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He shit in the fireplace
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
