Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
