On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
