put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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