I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
