There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
