i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
