He asked to "fluff my boner.."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
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we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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