her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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