Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
