My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
