I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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