Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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