Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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