We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
