I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
