I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
