No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
