i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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