billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
