This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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