I'm so fucking centered right now
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
