you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
