have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
