PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
birth control should be required to get into college
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
