Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize