i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
