Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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