Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
