I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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