Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
